Trivial thoughts

I was on the way home from school. Then, they just happened …

I am walking on the street; lots of people pass me. The city is a bit busy with people who head to lunch and maybe meetings in other places, cars that wait for a green light and some that are running.

I have a headset on and am listening to classical music on P2. A classmate smiles to me and we start a small talk. And I think …

I’m not a stranger to people in my city anymore. I can talk and understand their language. But I will always be a stranger to this city because I enjoy and appreciate it much more than people who get used to it. I see people who feel alive because it has some sun and mild wind today. It is just one typical, fine day in spring but people look so much different. I won’t see this in Thailand and I like to see it in us here. Also, the city looks so beautiful and life in the city looks so alive to me.

Then I think about a job interview. I wonder if I should set an expectation. It’s difficult to have a balance. I want this job so much but I don’t want to think about it so much because I’m afraid to fail. I decide I will give my best, now I’m getting closer. If I get it in the end, I will declare my victory. If I fail, then I have come so close to it. But I will be absolutely dum if I only focus on this job and totally ignore other opportunities which in fact they are available to me at the moment.

Then I think about a verbal test. I and my classmate debate on a subject if we believe in a lifelong relationship. One believes and another has to be the opposite. It was interesting because I thought I were one but during the debate I formulate several arguments that were opposite of who I thought I were. It is interesting because it makes me think that it is so easy to have an illusion of oneself. You think you are someone (or you like to believe it) but in fact you are not. Sometimes it is not easy or clear to see who are the real you.

Then I see a guy who is probably in his 80. Some of his belongings lay on the floor. I didn’t see what happen before but anyway he got help from a young woman who walked towards his position and from a middle-aged man. I think about myself … If I was in his age would I be thankful and happy that people were so kind and helpful or would I be sad about the change that I was not as young as before and got so weak and awkward?

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