A Journey to Sweden Part 5

Saturday, 26 August 2006
I lived alone this weekend because Farah was away to her uncle’s house in another city. As a result, I could be myself as much as I could. I exploded my feeling inside; I missed my family, P’Nop, warmness, comfort and everything in Thailand. I missed all of them badly because I still had not have an Internet connection in my room. Thus, I felt far far away from them. And, I didn’t know what had happened to my mobile phone, there was some credit left in the phone but I couldn’t call anybody in my country (which I knew later that I had used all of my calling credit on my very first two days). I wanna talk to P’Nop at this moment. I needed some mental power. Even though I knew all of them are with me. I cried in the morning; I talked to my doll, Nong Mee+, a Tatty teddy bear. It’s good that I brought him with me. At least there was something I’m familiar with with me. I missed my mom’s cooking so I cooked Gang Som served with rice for myself. I told myself that I wanna be back home as soon as possible. I wanna finish my thesis in the second term. I don’t wanna spend one year and a half here. I’m alone and lonely too when without the Internet connection. I realized that there’s nothing important if I could earn much money without my family or somebody I loved beside me. People don’t live long even though medical technology is so modern. My beloved people will pass away some day. What I really want is to spend the remaining time with them. I knew this is not a homesick feeling. I just missed my family, and I can, however, survive here. I know the way to avoid this feeling. But I just wanna soak with this for a moment. If I get out, travel in town, go to school. All of this will disappear. So, I just wanna spend some time with it and ask myself what I really want most, what my genuine needs are.
All in all, I can say that I’M FINE! or at least I’LL BE FINE.

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